Meant to be
by DreamedUp
Summary: His betrayal was only the first crack in his and Naruto's relationship. Or was it Sasuke's dreams? Sometimes it's just not meant to be. Will their love win against their fears and insecurities? SasuNaru Rated T for the sake of T-rating.
1. 1 Nightmares

uhhh... Hi guys, long time no see))) And don't kick me - I still can't make myself finish BY an Memory fics) Hehehe... Some day I will! Well, BY at least) Ok, this is what came to my mind not long ago and I'm not sure how many chapters there will be, but not too much. And just so you know: **this is going to be VERY angsty and the happy-ending is not mandatory)** Apart from that, in this fanfic I probably portray my vision of the world, so whatever ending there's gonna be, don't kill me.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto *cries hysterically*  
Summary: His betrayal was only the first crack in his and Naruto's relationship. Or was it Sasuke's dreams? Sometimes it just is not meant to be. Will their love win against their fears and insecurities? SasuNaru. sad.  
Warning: Did I say it's sad? Right, good. And when you see the change from Past Simple/other to Present Simple/Continious, don't think it's a mistake. It's intentional.

* * *

**Meant to be**

Chapter 1_**  
Nightmares**_

* * *

"So, Naruto, want to go see a movie? I finally have some free time!" Sasuke's voice sounded a little tired and Naruto had to squeeze the phone in his hand tightly in order to keep his voice calm and a little bored.

"Sorry, Sasuke, not today, things came up that I have to do" he smiled apologetically to the phone, though the boy on the other line won't see it, but it was easier pretending this way.

"Sounds like a lame excuse, idiot. What's wrong?" Sasuke now sounded annoyed but in some way Naruto almost heard worry in the other's voice… or wanted to hear. He never knew these days.

"Nothing's wrong! I'm absolutely fine. I'm just busy" Naruto exclaimed offensively. The next moment he could only slap his forehead: this was definitely not making Sasuke think he was fine.

"Listen, Naruto…" the teen on the line sighed. "Sweetheart… is there something wrong?"

Naruto almost cried out in despair. Sasuke didn't get it. Sasuke was talking to him as if they were still together. Actually, they _were_ still together. It was just that they haven't been spending time together lately.

"I'm sorry I couldn't come pick you up for that movie earlier today. You know how it is with me and my parents" Sasuke sounded almost apologetic and almost _almost_ guilty. Naruto knew why he felt guilty. "But now I'm able to spend some time with you, and since it's a special day…"

"What special day?" Naruto blurted out before he could help it. It's ironic how just this afternoon he was thinking Sasuke forgot about the importance of that day but just a couple of hours later he was the one to not remember it.

"It's the day we started dating just a year ago, moron" Sasuke sounded annoyed again and had Naruto known him a little worse, he'd think his boyfriend's feelings were hurt with Naruto's supposed lack of memory. But he knew Sasuke enough to know that such stupid things never hurt the boy.

"Heh heh… sorry. Slipped my mind" he replied trying to sound indeed sorry. He didn't say much more, however. His throat was aching from all the screaming in the pillow he did just before his boyfriend called.

"So? Are you coming or not?" Sasuke asked, impatient. Naruto looked around his room. A mess. What a pathetic way of hating Sasuke.

"Sorry. I really can't come meet you today. Besides, mom won't let me out this late in the evening. Maybe tomorrow?" he immediately looked at the photo of him and his parents, frame broken into big sharp pieces of glass and lying on the carpet. Sasuke didn't answer immediately, but when he did, he sounded displeased at least.

"So you're going to act like a little kid? Repaying me with the same things I told you these two weeks? Fine! Be that way! You just can't understand, can you?" Sasuke grit out. Naruto gripped the phone harder to keep the words behind his lips. _I haven't seen anything. I haven't seen anything at all!_

"What can't I understand, Sasuke?" Naruto asked suddenly tired. Sasuke sighed.

"My parents won't be happy if they find out about us, can't you understand that?!" he said angrily. "But if you're going to act this way, fine! I have better things to do than hang out with an idiot like you"

It was suddenly cold in the room. Naruto gripped the phone harder, almost crushing it and felt he needed to sit down. His legs were weak. It seemed, Sasuke was silent as well, as if shocked himself he said something like that.

"Are you… breaking up with me?" the voice shook traitorously. Just five minutes ago Naruto himself was thinking about leaving Sasuke. But now that the other decided it, Naruto couldn't believe it was possible.

"N-no…" Sasuke answered. "No, idiot, no" he repeated again and again as if the single word could seal the future. "I'm _not_ breaking up with you. I… Naruto? Hey… Are you crying?"

"No!" the other answered quickly – too quickly and rubbed at his eyes. "I just hurt my leg with a door, that's all!" he banged at the door with his fist and laughed sheepishly. Sasuke didn't believe him. They fell silent.

"Want to go to that bar, remember? It's going to be opened all night" the deep voice in the phone broke the quiet between them. Naruto smiled. That was their favorite place and Sasuke knew just how much Naruto liked the bar with its strange glasses in which they served their drinks, the funny names the cocktails had and the weird photos and pictures on the walls.

"What about your parents, bastard?" He always used "bastard" when he was in a good mood to joke around with Sasuke. He wasn't so much in a good mood now, but he tried.

"To hell with them. Itachi will cover me up" the other answered encouraged. "I'll pick you up in ten minutes. Be ready, bye" and as quickly as possible Sasuke hung up. Staring at the phone in his hand, its sides a little cracked from the strength with which he held it earlier, Naruto thought that this way had he wanted to decline Sasuke's offer, he wouldn't have a chance, since his boyfriend hung up this urgently.

_Maybe, he still cares…_ It hurt though: knowing Sasuke was lying to him, betraying him. But maybe, just maybe he could figure things out. Maybe there was still hope. Or maybe Naruto was just deceiving himself, but he could still try. Because Sasuke sounded so affectionate over the phone. Can you forgive betrayal?

* * *

They're sitting at their favorite seats near the window. Naruto is fiddling with the tooth stick and looking out from time to time. People out there hurry back from the late shifts, living their lives, maybe, thinking of their loved ones. The two of them are far away from the crowd of those people running home under the rain. They are sitting in their favorite bar, drinking their favorite cocktails; their seats seem to be soft, their table has no sharp edges. However for the two of them it seems as if the rain is pouring at their heads.

"Happy anniversary, Naruto" Sasuke says. Naruto smiles and replies "Thank you, Sasuke. You too"

But they are not speaking. They are just looking around, thinking about their own lives. It's ironic, how they are together but apart at the same time. As if there's a wall. _A huge wall_, Naruto thinks.

"How's Sakura?" he asks the other for the sake of the conversation. Naruto watches as Sasuke's hand tightens around the glass of his cocktail subconsciously. His eyes are a little wide and lips ever so thin.

"I don't know. It's your friend, Naruto, not mine. You know better" Sasuke answers coldly. Naruto is chewing on the inside of his cheek as his thoughts go back to the afternoon, when his boyfriend called to say he can't manage to get out to their date because of his parents. Naruto went to the park then, alone. He met Sasuke there, though the other haven't seen him.

"You know how it is between me and Sakura these days" Naruto smiles at his boyfriend. It hurts. It hurts to smile. _Pretending I haven't seen him there. I haven't seen him there! It hurts…_ "She's still angry that I took her crush away from her. The two of you are seeing each other more"

_Can you forgive betrayal?_

Sasuke huffs and the hand on the cocktail loosens up only to grip it tightly again when Naruto speaks: "You're closer to each other now than you were two weeks ago"

"She's fine. I'm sure she'll talk to you sooner or later" he reassures Naruto but his eyes are on the painting on the wall behind his boyfriend. The other smiles nevertheless and wonders if he and Sasuke will still be together when Sakura starts talking to him again.

"How have you been?" Naruto asks. Sasuke's dreams kept bothering him these couple of months though he refused to tell him what he dreamt of.

"I'm doing fine. Parents are difficult to fool lately, so that's the reason I couldn't meet you too often these past couple of weeks" he answers not mentioning the exact number of weeks the two of them haven't seen each other apart from college. Naruto downs his strongly alcoholic cocktail in one go and coughs vigorously afterwards. It's vodka and something.

"Are you OK?" Sasuke asks leaning in across the table in order to look closer into Naruto's face, but the other just waves him off.

"How are you nightmares, Sasuke?" he asks instead not wanting his boyfriend to see the tears that emerged because of the strength of his drink. Sasuke huffs but replies nevertheless: "They keep visiting me. But don't worry, Naruto. It's fine"

Suddenly a wave of emotions crushes upon Naruto, making him choke with air.

_I hate you._

"I love you, Sasuke" he says to the only person that's left important to him. Sasuke smiles the small smile he has, touches Naruto's hand across the table and then squeezes it.

"I love you too… my Naruto" he says and then leans across the table in order to kiss the other.

_I hate you_, Naruto thinks.

He's suffocating.

_Can you forgive betrayal?_

Naruto needs air.

_You weren't alone earlier this afternoon_, he wants to shout.

Naruto stands up and puts some money on the table for his drink. It's not usual for the two of them to pay only their own part. Usually, somebody is a 'gentleman' and pays for both of them, but now Naruto feels as if he's been the gentleman far too many times in a row.

He excuses himself and leaves the bar and Sasuke, who can't help but wonder what went wrong in their conversation.

_Does he love me?

* * *

  
_

They haven't been talking to each other in college the next day. For some reason Naruto kept his distance. Sasuke wanted to talk with him. It didn't even matter what he wanted to talk about with the other, he just didn't want his lover to ignore him.

He saw Sakura talking to Naruto from the corner of his eye and felt relieved and tensed at once. They've been dating before Sasuke realized he loved Naruto and broke up with her. They kept their relationship secret from everyone, including Sakura, but she found out.

Maybe she forgave Naruto after all… or maybe she was just feeling smug. It seemed to Sasuke that the first option was less than possible.

When he came back home last night, an hour later after Naruto's abrupt departure, his parents wanted to know where he'd spent his time. Itachi was gesturing to him that their relatives didn't believe him. Sasuke had to lie.

He was drunk and his nightmares were more vivid than usual that night. He saw Naruto leaving him but drowning him still. He saw Itachi stretching out his hand to him and hitting him over the face instead of saving. He saw his parents looking disapproving and turning their backs at him.

In the end, though, he saw what he usually dreamt of: he was nine years old and he was lost. The crowd of people were looking at him with hatred or not looking at all. He searched for his home but the alleys were hollow and nothing and no one was there to help him.

He was alone.

He was abandoned.

He woke up with a loud cry.

As usual, he had bags under his eyes and Sakura asked him about it first thing in the morning when they met in the classroom. He didn't want to tell her about his nightmares so he had to lie.

Sasuke hated lying.

Especially to Naruto.

Naruto waved at him at the lunch break and sat across from Sasuke at the table. He smiled apologetically and told him he was scared.

"What were you scared of, idiot?" he asked his boyfriend. Naruto was quiet for a couple of seconds before answering in a whisper: "For a minute… I thought you would leave me"

He looked expectantly at Sasuke, as if he was not over the fear yet. As if he was doubting still. Sasuke didn't tell him he would never leave him. That would be cheesy and most likely a lie: love was not forever. He didn't hit him and call him an idiot: he couldn't do this for some reason.

"I won't leave you" he said in a voice that seemed not to belong to himself. "I love you" he added. Naruto smiled sadly but didn't say anything. "You know how my parents are" he tried again to reassure his lover. "They won't approve of our relationship. They need to stay in the dark" he said. "They've been suspicious lately" he lied. "So I had to be very cautious"

Naruto didn't answer, but Sasuke needed him to say something.

"Come on" he said and took his boyfriend by the hand. He brought him to their usual hiding place near the art room in a closet. He brought him close to himself, looked desperately into Naruto's eyes and kissed him. He didn't dare part from the other. He couldn't open his eyes. He refused to let go of Naruto's shirt.

He pushed him against the wall – the only wall in the closet full of drawers – and deepened the kiss. Naruto moaned, encouraging Sasuke to continue.

But they had to part. The bell rang, urging them to compose themselves, lie to others about their lives and follow the flow of students, which went in one and only acceptable direction.

* * *

He called Itachi out of the blue. He didn't know why, but he had to talk to someone. He couldn't talk to Sasuke, he couldn't talk to Sakura. He couldn't talk to his mother, which didn't give a shit about him. The only time they talked to each other was when she was drunk and proceeded to hit him for some stupid reason. His mother wasn't the same after his father's death all those years ago.

So that's why he called Itachi – the person, who told Naruto that he and Sasuke won't last not out of disgust or hatred, but because it was truth.

They met in the park and went to sit on the swings. It was a funny picture: a man in his mid-twenties and an 18-year-old teen sitting on the swings, but it didn't matter. What mattered was that Naruto was scared.

"I've seen Sasuke the other day in this park" he started.

"He was with Sakura" was the only thing Itachi answered. Naruto would have been shocked if only he didn't know Itachi too well. He was the only person Sasuke told about his relationship with Naruto – he was trusted.

"Yeah… he was." Naruto replied. "He talked to her at first so I thought it was a friendly meeting or something but then he kissed her… caressed her" he told his lover's brother.

"You want to know whom he loves?" Itachi asked plainly. Naruto only nodded. "I don't know" he answered.

"But why don't you know?" the teen exclaimed.

"I don't think Sasuke knows yet himself" Itachi answered. They were quiet. Naruto hid his face in his hands and sighed loudly. His interlocutor looked at the sky that started to darken and closed his eyes.

"When he was nine, Sasuke ran away" Itachi said. "He was angry with our parents, that they didn't buy him his favorite candy in the shop and wanted to go buy it himself. He was probably lost and we couldn't find him for a week" Naruto looked up from his hands at Itachi, who still didn't open his eyes. "We found him in the poor part of the city in some old alley. He sat there dirty and shaking and nobody was even around"

Itachi took out his Marlboro pack and matches and proceeded with puffing at a cigarette.

"Sasuke is scared of being alone, Naruto"

They didn't talk for the rest of their time together. After some time Itachi drove Naruto to his home and left.

* * *

_To be continued..._

* * *

So this is the first chapter. Tell me the truth: is my writing style good or amateur-kind-of-stupid? No, seriously, I want to know, because when I'm reading my stuff I can't understand whether I'm any better from those cheesy fanfic-writers with a terrible writing style or maybe I'm not.

So, yeah, and tell me, does this intrigue you?


	2. 2 Love

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto *cries hysterically*  
Summary: His betrayal was only the first crack in his and Naruto's relationship. Or was it Sasuke's dreams? Sometimes it just is not meant to be. Will their love win against their fears and insecurities? SasuNaru. sad.  
Warning: Did I say it's sad? Right, good. And when you see the change from Past Simple/other to Present Simple/Continious, don't think it's a mistake. It's intentional.

So, here's the second chapter. It took me two days to write it, and a week to get to it, because college is taking a lot of time out of me. It's not like I study anyway, but still))) Hope you enjoy this chapter, and NO this is not the end of it, obviously, since it doesn't say 'complete' yet. I don't intend on stopping the story here yet, there's some more to come, although it doesn't mean I decided on whether it will be a happy ending or not.

* * *

**Meant to be**

Chapter 2  
**_Love_**

* * *

"If I were to die right now, what would you say to me?"

Sasuke looked up from his text book. He was irritated by the question, Naruto could see, so he hurried to say: "Nevermind. I'm overly dramatic lately"

That's what Sasuke thought. Naruto was overly dramatic and overly romantic. He sighed tiredly and said: "Idiot".

_If I were to die right now, what would you say to me?_

Would Sasuke be silent or would he cry? Would he hold Naruto's hand and repeat his name like a prayer? Would he tell him he loved him?

Would he tell him he's sorry?

Naruto smiled widely, so that Sasuke would look at him and said:

"What do you think about making our relationship known to the world?" he touched the other's hand over the kitchen table at Naruto's home and leaned in to look closely at Sasuke's face.

For a moment there, before his eyes were devoid of emotion, Naruto saw fear on his lover's face.

"Quit joking, idiot. You know it's not possible" Sasuke was about to come back to his text book, when something stopped him.

"Then what _is_ possible, Sasuke-dear? How can I know you're not keeping me around just out of pity?"

It wasn't wise, of course. No, it definitely wasn't wise to say those things Sakura told him, when they had a private conversation. She looked so sympathetic and everything, but Naruto knew she wanted to hurt him for hurting her. He understood her, but didn't give her the pleasure of seeing him break. He was already broken anyway.

"Where did you get these stupid thoughts from?" Sasuke asked furious. How dare he say this, if Sasuke was lying to everyone every day, just to have a couple of minutes with his lover, if every day he had to stop himself from thinking about his parents' disapproval, just to be with Naruto, if every second he had to fight with himself, hate himself just to love the boy?!

"Forget it. I… it was just a stupid thing, I… I'm sorry, I was just angry and…" and Naruto hid his face in his hands. "I'll be right back" he said standing up from the table.

"Naruto" Sasuke called, but the other just went off out of the kitchen. Sasuke hesitated, listening the steps hurry to the bathroom.

What had gone wrong? Ever since their anniversary a week ago Sasuke started spending more time with Naruto and less with Sakura. They went to the cinema and walked together and ate ice-ream, although it was winter. Sasuke bought him a frog plush toy and Naruto smiled so hard, his cheeks ached for hours later that evening. He even went to spend the lonely weekend with his boyfriend, because his mother was out drinking somewhere or screwing with someone.

And everything was fine and happy until Naruto asked this stupid question.

_What if I were to die right now, what would you say to me?_

Sasuke walked slowly to the bathroom and knocked on the door softly.

"Naruto… hey, Naruto"

"I'm fine, Sasuke" he said quietly and almost calmly. His voice only sounded tired.

_What if I were to die right now…_

"Idiot, are you crying?" Sasuke tried. It came out awkward and he felt he should hang himself for such a stupid attempt to lighten the mood. It wasn't the time to insult Naruto.

"Sweetheart… Naruto… love… what did I say? What's wrong?" he tried in a soft quiet voice but only heard Naruto sighing tiredly.

"It's OK, Sasuke. It's fine. I'll come out in a couple of minutes"

_What if I were to die right now, what would you say to me?_

"I'm sorry"

* * *

_He could see many things. Standing up there, he had a better view on the world. He could see himself, holding Sakura's hand, asking her to marry him. He could see that, but couldn't feel it. He wished so much, down there he wished so much for Naruto to interfere, but Naruto was only looking angry and disappointed. Standing up there, he could see the pained look on his own face, although nobody else saw it, and the hatred emanating from Naruto._

_Of course, he could see other things too. Like him and Naruto making love. Down there, he was so happy. But things changed fast and then he could see himself lying alone, waiting for the other to come back, shouting at him, fighting with him._

_He could see himself with somebody else, while Naruto was home, cooking dinner, thinking that Sasuke will never betray him. He could see the emptiness in both of their eyes._

_He saw their nights go grey, their days go dull, he saw Naruto turning his back on him, leaving him. He saw himself leaving Naruto._

_And then he saw darkness._

Sasuke woke up with a shout.

"It's ok, brother. Everything's fine. Go back to sleep"

Sasuke pretended he didn't have tears on his face, but Itachi put his hand on the younger boy's head to reassure him.

"No matter what, Sasuke, you're not alone" he told him.

With that Sasuke fell asleep.

* * *

Winters were made to freeze the pain. That's what his mom used to tell him when dad died. Naruto's father died in winter.

It was too long ago, Naruto couldn't remember what happened and why. His mother did. He could still hear her cry at nights, he could still feel her tears on his face from that day, at the funeral.

His mother never was the same since that day. She started drinking. In her moments of rage she would hit her son, hurt him, make him cry, but she would cry herself. His mother stopped looking him in the eye soon after she first beat him up. She would avoid Naruto as much as she could, and when she was near him, she would be distant and cold, as if her son didn't exist, as if Naruto was nothing.

It was useless to fight the hurt in his heart. It was so much easier to give her up altogether: as if his mother wasn't there, as if he had no mother.

Naruto long ago abandoned the attempts to make his mom stop drinking, it wasn't working anyway.

He was all alone in the world, and he had to get used to it, because fears of loneliness were something that didn't help him to survive. He embraced the pain and darkness.

But then there was Sasuke.

He was annoying, arrogant and self-centered. He was the perfect example of a good student. He was automatically popular and he hated Naruto's guts.

That didn't stop Naruto from becoming his friend though. Somehow it was natural.

This way Naruto wasn't alone.

The two of them: they never did realize how much they needed each other.

"Naruto, don't space out" Sasuke stopped his ministrations for a second. The other looked apologetically in his eyes.

"Sorry"

They kissed.

It seemed so natural, it felt so wonderful. Yet every time he thought back to that cold winter afternoon, when Sasuke called and said, he couldn't come and take Naruto to the movie, when Naruto, angry with the thought that his lover forgot their anniversary, grabbed his clothes and went to the park, when he saw Sasuke there, but not alone, kissing Sakura, he couldn't help but feel dread.

"Naruto, you're spacing out again" he sounded discontent, Naruto noted. Who was he to Sasuke? Did he love him? Did he plan on leaving Naruto soon?

"You know, I hardly remember my mom before dad died" he told to his boyfriend in a barely audible whisper.

"Damn, Naruto, is this any time for reminiscing? We're in the middle of making out!" Sasuke hissed, but the other didn't look at him.

"But there is one thing I remember about her… You know, when I was little I had those nightmares, and I used to wake up in the middle of the night, and mom would usually calm me down and…" Sasuke put his hand on the other's cheek, and Naruto had to swallow the lump in his throat, before talking again. "And one thing I remember about her was that she always told me how much she loved me… and that she would love me no matter what until she dies"

Sasuke kissed his lover's forehead gently and rubbed at his back, while the other placed his head on his shoulder, his eyes wide open, his face blank.

"I guess, she lied"

* * *

It was getting cold, Naruto could feel his hands freezing under the material of his gloves. He rubbed them together and blew hot air on his fingers, but it hardly helped.

"You know, you could at least try and do something" the familiar voice said behind him. Naruto gave out a startled cry and spun around, eyes widened in shock. "I frightened you, sorry"

"What are you doing here? I thought nobody would be here so late at night?" Naruto asked in a slightly higher voice than he intended to.

"I thought you'd be here. Brother told me you like to hang out here when you want to think. Although I can't understand why do you like this old alley so much" Itachi moved to sit next to the blond boy, passing him a plastic cup with some hot liquid.

"Thanks" Naruto answered and tasted the drink immediately. Coffee. He hated it. It was still hot though, so Naruto drank it. "We used to live not far from here, before dad died. Back then there were some swings here and my parents took me here every weekend"

"I see" Itachi answered and lit a cigarette.

The snowflakes fell on the ground gracefully, covering the grey surface of the asphalt with their pure white colour. The bench was freezing their backsides, although they didn't do anything about it. It was calming: this silence.

"Why did you search for me?" his cheeks were slightly flushed from the hot coffee and he felt much better now, since his hands warmed a little. He turned to look at Itachi and saw him drown the butt-end of the cigarette in the snow.

"I wanted to talk to you" was his answer.

"Obviously" Naruto added sarcastically.

"Obviously" Itachi nodded thoughtfully. "Sasuke's nightmares are bothering him even more now" he said. He took out another cigarette and lit it. A small puff of smoke connected with the falling snowflakes and Itachi's lips thinned before speaking again. "Have you tried to stop him from going off to Sakura? Have you at least tried to reassure him that you're the one he needs?"

He turned to face Naruto, who bit his lip angrily to keep the words which wouldn't be too pleasant from escaping his mouth.

"Why should I do that?" he answered. "It's his decision, not mine, don't you think? If he wants to be with that girl, than why should I beg him to stay with me?" Naruto turned away from his boyfriend's brother and suddenly found the nearby tree, leafless and covered in snow, very interesting.

Itachi inhaled the smoke and then looked in front of himself too. "What if Sasuke does want to stay with you?"

Naruto turned his head abruptly, studying the other's impassive face. "You say that as if you yourself do anything. Your damn brother has some issues, why don't _you_ help him? Sasuke doesn't want me in his life!"

"You could talk to him"

"When did ever _talking_ solve any problems?!" Naruto couldn't control himself anymore. He shouted. "I told him just a week ago what I felt, what I was afraid of. And he just told me he wouldn't leave me, but can he be sure about something like that? Tell me, does it solve anything? No. Because Sasuke's nightmares only worsened and absolutely nothing changed! He still sees Sakura and tells her that he keeps me just out of pity!"

Itachi inhaled the cigarette smoke.

"I want to help my brother so much" he let out the puff of smoke, the snowflakes mixed with it and fell on the ground, covered in white. "But is there anything I can do for him?" his fingers twitched and the cigarette fell out of his hands on the snow. "No matter what I tell him, it's not as if he'll listen to me. And even if he did… he will suffer without you, he will suffer with you… I just don't know what to do"

Naruto stared at the tree, it was grey and standing alone in the alley.

"I looked at the people around me just yesterday" he said, while rubbing his hands. "And I realized, it was so strange to ask this question, but… I wanted to ask people aloud: where did the love they talked so much about in books go? Did it ever exist? Or was it made up for people to believe they're a little better than they really are? Where is love? I don't see it! There's only eternal egoism, only lust and the sickening misuse of the word. The thing we call love is not eternal and almighty. It doesn't solve people's problems, it rubs off with time, dies down after years of life together, burns to the butt-end of the cigarette. If love is like that, why does it exist at all?"

Naruto stood up and blew hot air on his hands. "It's getting cold, we should go"

Itachi nodded and lit another cigarette.

* * *

Lunch is as usual for Sasuke. Sakura is sitting with him, talking about something, smiling happily at him. Naruto is nowhere to be seen, though. But it's usual now, for some reason Naruto doesn't show up on lunches anymore, but always waits near his classroom ten minutes before the end of the break so that the two of them can spend some time together.

Sasuke didn't tell Naruto about Sakura yet. He's not sure he should, and Naruto can take it the wrong way, or maybe the right? What if Naruto already knows about him dating Sakura?

He answers to something she said and she laughs. He likes the way she laughs, and he's glad he can make her happy, although it's not her he wants to make happy.

He hates himself, but he can't do anything. He's scared, and that's what's wrong, that's what he wants to answer to Sakura's concerned question, but he doesn't. He tells her he didn't have enough sleep today. He never does anymore, but that's not what's important.

The important thing is that he doesn't know what to do. Why does Naruto have to invade his thoughts all the time? Why should he not? Why is it so terribly wrong to be with him if it feels so right? Why should it be right at all? Why is Sakura so easy to make laugh, when Naruto's laughter is the only thing he wants to hear? Why doesn't Naruto laugh when Sasuke needs him to? Why doesn't he laugh?

And why does he enter the room and goes straight up to him and Sakura, when he shouldn't?

"Hey guys, what's up?" he smiles, but his hands are in the pockets of his coat, it's all dusted in the snow and his shoes left dirty spots on the floor. Naruto smiles but his eyes are slightly red, and it doesn't make sense that he came up here now.

"Naruto! How are you? Sasuke and I've just been talking about you!" Sakura exclaims with that smile of hers, that makes Sasuke want to hurt her for directing it at Naruto.

"Well, isn't it strange? It must be the stars" Naruto laughs at his own joke but Sasuke doesn't believe him.

"Naruto, is something wrong?" he asks in that calm voice he usually uses, but his hands are shaking under the table. He can feel something. He can feel it, and no smile of Naruto's can stop his hands from shaking now.

Naruto smiles, although his eyes are red and puffy and his hands are in fists in his pockets and he grips all of his self-control to stay like that. "Everything's ok, Sasuke, I just wanted to tell you one thing…"

"Sakura, excuse us-" Sasuke starts standing up, but Naruto waves him off and sits down on the chair next to Sakura.

"No no no! Everything's fine with Sakura being here. I'll just say what I intended to say and leave the two of you" he laughs but his voice is shaking.

"Sasuke…" Sasuke looks up to meet the sad blue eyes on the smiling face. "The time with you was wonderful, I've never been so happy in my life. Thank you" Sasuke's hands stop shaking, that's a plus. They fall limply on his lap, that's a minus. He's going to be in minus. Minus the smile, minus the kisses, minus his love.

"But now I can feel we can't be together, and that's why I'm sorry, Sasuke. I have to leave. Will you forgive me?" he smiles brokenly at his lover, and Sasuke can't help his hoarse voice.

"I'm so sorry too" he says quietly and Naruto understands him. He stands up, waves at him and Sakura and leaves.

Sakura turns back to Sasuke and smiles. "Now that's a relief. You don't need to have this burden on you anymore, Sasuke, isn't it great?"

"Yes, that's a relief" Sasuke says hoarsely, watching Naruto's body disappear behind the closed doors.

They won't meet ten minutes before the break today. Won't call each other in the evening to say good night. They won't meet tomorrow early in the morning just to play snowballs.

Sasuke won't have to think about his parents' disapproval and fear loneliness.

_That's a relief._

It's unfair though, that he didn't get the chance to decide for himself. It's unfair how Naruto just gave up and left! It's unfair that he thought Sasuke would feel better without him! How dare he?! How dare he choose for Sasuke?!

How dare he leave him alone?

_What a relief, definitely!

* * *

_

_To be continued...

* * *

  
_

Pretty sad, isn't it? What do you think?_  
_


	3. 3 Selfdelusion

So here is the third chapter, hope you like it))) Thank you very much, **majorgirl**! You are brilliant and I love you! I would have devoted this chapter to you, but it's sad and if I decide to make a happy ending I'll devote the happy-chappy to you))))))  


* * *

**Meant to be**  
Chapter 3  
_**Self-delusion

* * *

**_

Nothing exists in this world but the two of them. It hurts but it feels so good. They know nothing. Sasuke touches Naruto's cheek: it's wet. He touches his own: it's wet. Naruto laughs and it feels so good. Sasuke tightens his hands around his lover.

They know nothing that is why their lips meet, their tongues move. Nothing exists but them and this small room of Naruto's house. What is a house? They know nothing.

"I love you" he says. Who says? They don't know anymore. And it feels so good, it hurts but they don't feel pain. They don't feel pain yet, and they think they never will. Because this is so right, so natural, because they are together, they're not alone and they never will. They know nothing.

"Please" why are they begging, for what? Whom are they begging? Naruto touches Sasuke's cheek with his own and he doesn't know whose is wet or are they both crying. Nothing matters because they know nothing. Let it be like that, oh please let it be like that!

* * *

It wasn't long until he needed air. Sakura suffocated him, he could feel it. She was beautiful, yes. She was nice to talk to. She was interesting and fun to be around. Maybe she even loved Sasuke more than Naruto did.

But she wasn't him. No. Two days with her. Two days full of blissful fun and making out. They were together, everybody knew that, and they were happy. But still, Sasuke needed air.

He sat in his room thinking of those 48 hours they've spent together, and he knew it was better with her. It was good that Naruto decided to end their painful, sick relationship. It was good he understood what Sasuke needed.

They went to the cinema with Sakura and by the end of the film they were kissing. It was unlike their movies with Naruto. With him Sasuke couldn't bring himself to kiss his lover. Of course, Sasuke still wanted to be with Naruto, but kissing him in public didn't seem right.

With Sakura they went to the toy shop and Sakura chose a bear. Naruto always chose ugly frogs, and rarely accepted any gifts from his boyfriend at all. It was so much better with Sakura.

She was what Sasuke wanted.

She was what Sasuke didn't fear.

She didn't give him nightmares like Naruto did.

That was why he chose her in the first place, and he wasn't ashamed of showing her to his parents and to the whole school – to everybody. Except for Itachi, though. But that didn't matter, because with Naruto he had to be discreet, he had to keep what they had in secret. It was only his and Naruto's, nobody else's. With Sakura he could finally be free.

That was why he sat in his room and didn't think of Naruto.

That was why he didn't want to call him at all.

His fingers didn't try touching his mobile phone. They didn't push the numbers, so familiar – he learnt them by heart.

Sasuke erased the numbers and put his mobile in the drawer.

He just needed air. Nothing more.

* * *

They are moving in synchrony, they know what the other will do. They want this time to never end, they don't know what time is, they are in each other's hands, their clothes are wet – is it possible to wet clothes with tears? They are not crying out of grief, they don't know what it is, they just feel so happy, because they're in each other's hands and they know nothing more.

"Sasuke" he whispers. "Sasuke"

Sasuke touches his cheek and feels it's wet, then he touches his own and can't remember when did he start crying.

"You won't leave me, right? Sasuke tell me you won't leave me" Naruto pleads. Sasuke kisses him, it's so great, to kiss Naruto, he loves him so much, Sasuke wants to never let go and he never will, because he loves Naruto so much. Their lips inevitably part and Sasuke answers: "No, I'll never leave you, Naruto" and then he adds in a whisper: "Don't leave me".

Nothing else exists in this world, it is their world, lips blur, eyes blur, words blur. Only their hands, tightened around each other stay real and stiff. They don't feel the coldness of the floor, they don't feel the coldness of the winter outside Naruto's house, what's a house?

"I won't leave you, Sasuke" he won't. Sasuke knows it and believes it, because it is truth, because they love each other, that's what they know, love won't betray, it will conquer everything, that is why they are at Naruto's, that is why they know nothing and remember nothing and think of nothing, but each other.

"Do you love me?"

"I love you"

"I will always love you"

"Naruto, don't cry, I love you"

They can't help themselves but cry out of happiness. Not because they don't want to think of tomorrow. There is no tomorrow, there is only nothing and it will stay like that forever.

They only hope forever would stretch for just a little bit longer.

* * *

Naruto was ill. When he woke up the next day after leaving Sasuke, he could hardly stand. His temperature was high and he estimated he caught flu. So stupid, Sasuke would think he wanted to avoid him. Naruto had to stay at home.

Strange thing was, with his flu and terribly high temperature, sore throat and a horrible headache, Naruto couldn't sleep. He could only lie on the bed with his eyes wide open. He looked at the grey ceiling, but it didn't have anything interesting: it was smooth, not even a small crack.

His mother came home in the evening and asked him why he didn't go to school. Not looking in his eyes she put her hand on his forehead. The touch was brief, only for a couple of seconds, as his mother was quick to remove her hand, but that felt so strange. She hadn't touched him for years, except for the times she slapped him, or beat him, but those times were rare too.

She didn't look into his eyes though, and hadn't said anything. She exited the room and returned half an hour later with medicine and an instruction of what to take and when.

The next time she came back was late at night, drunk and sobbing. But she didn't come into Naruto's room. She stumbled past it to the bathroom, but he could still hear her.

He wondered, if maybe he had a mother.

The next morning Naruto felt better. His throat was still sore and his head was splitting in two, but the temperature was back to normal, and Naruto went to school.

Everyone talked. The whole world turned into one huge gossip. At least that was what Naruto felt. Sasuke and Sakura are dating again! That's something new! After a year and a half they're together again! That's what a real love is: ability to outlive time.

Sasuke couldn't see him in class, since he sat with Sakura and only looked at her. It was probably a good thing Naruto let him go. His father once told him: "So many people enter and leave your life! Hundreds of thousands of people! You have to keep the door open so they can come in! But it also means you have to let them go" (1). He was a small boy back then, but he remembered it. He didn't want hundreds of thousands of people though. He wanted Sasuke.

What was it that Itachi told him? Sasuke's scared of being alone? Fine then, he won't be alone. He had Sakura now, and he could share her with the whole world.

Whatever.

Naruto met Sasuke near the lunch area. Sasuke asked him if he felt better and Naruto smiled.

"I still have a sore throat, but that's ok. Congratulations"

He didn't have to say what he congratulated Sasuke with, and so he left.

When he came back home, his mother wasn't there again. He opened the drawers and took out all of the alcohol they had. He thought about drinking it all, he thought about smashing the bottle and slitting his wrists with the shards, and he laughed at the stupidness of those thoughts.

He opened each one and poured them out in the sink. It was pointless, really. His mother would find some place to get drunk, that wasn't a problem for her, neither were numerous men she slept with, but Naruto still did it.

He lay on his bed staring at the ceiling. He couldn't sleep. His mother came back in the early morning and he could hear her steps.

Maybe, just maybe he had a mother after all.

* * *

Their lips meet, their bodies meet, that is so perfect, so wonderful, that is pure love, they love each other.

"We won't be alone, Sasuke" he whispers. Sasuke buries his face in Naruto's hair, it's so soft, it's so beautiful, oh how he loves it, he believes everything his lover says, because that is the only truth, because that is what should be right in this world, because they are together and not alone. How can they be alone if they are together and nothing else exists in this world? "Yes" he says to Naruto. "We're not alone. We're together".

That is the only truth there should exist.

Their lips meet, their bodies unite, their hands are one, their breath is one for the two of them, their hearts are not two, but one, divided and placed in two bodies. That is the ultimate truth, that is what they feel, that is what they always knew and never were able to accept.

But now it is different, now they feel it, they know it, they believe in it. They are one, they were always one, that's why they could never part, that's why it feels so natural, so right, so perfect.

"We'll always be together, Naruto. I promise, I'll never leave you" he says, and unites their lips once more. He whispers against Naruto's breath then: "Don't leave me". Naruto won't leave him. Never. They will always be together. That is the only way they can live.

This is the truth, right?

* * *

Itachi was writing his PhD. Sasuke knew he shouldn't interrupt him, but he wanted to talk to him. He knocked on the door but nobody answered.

"Itachi went for a walk, dear" his mother told him.

He left his mobile in the drawer. He put his coat but forgot his scarf, so when he was outside on the street he immediately froze to the bone. Hiding his face in his coat Sasuke walked further. He didn't want to go back inside, he didn't want to talk to Sakura and he didn't need Naruto at all. He wanted to talk to Itachi. He needed his brother, but he was somewhere outside and Sasuke didn't know where he was.

He walked further to the park, where he and Naruto used to smile a lot and laugh. He could remember the summer days when they kissed behind the bushes where nobody could see them, he used to stare at the other for a long time and Naruto would ask him why he did so and then laugh.

No, he didn't want to go to the park. Itachi wouldn't go there. Maybe, he went to the bar. What was its name? Naruto loved it. It was funny and interesting, he loved the strange design of the place. It was as if that bar was created for him.

Sasuke turned to the small street and entered the place. There was no Itachi. But there were the memories.

So stupid, he shouldn't think about what was in the past. That wouldn't be wise.

The cold wind blew hard in his face and Sasuke couldn't help but remember the scarf he lent Naruto just a week ago when they played snowballs and the stupid idiot forgot his favorite orange scarf somewhere. Sasuke remembered huffing in annoyance at the foolish lover and giving him his own.

Naruto smiled then and kissed Sasuke, but he slapped him, because it was the street full of people, and somebody could see them. Naruto smiled anyway, though, probably, it took him all of his strength to smile. Sasuke regretted slapping him.

He couldn't walk anymore, he ran, not because he wanted to talk to Itachi badly, but because it was very cold and he could feel warmer if he ran.

The alley was dark and scary. For a second he thought it was the alley he got lost in, and spent the whole week alone all those years ago. But it wasn't. He knew it. It was another alley, the one Naruto liked to spend time in.

Why was he there? It didn't matter. He sat on the bench, the snow was freezing, the air was freezing, his coat was freezing. He removed his coat and put it on the bench.

It was dark already but the street-lamp lit a small patch of the ground of the alley. And it was silent. Sasuke wished Itachi was here.

He grabbed a handful of snow and washed his face with it. His mobile phone rang. He wondered if at some point he took it out of the drawer and put it in his pocket, hoping for… what was he hoping for?

It was Itachi and he rang to tell him mother called and asked him to find Sasuke.

"I'm Ok" Sasuke answered, although he wanted to say what he felt inside.

"Do you want to talk?" Itachi asked.

Sasuke closed his eyes and listened to the silence. Nobody was there, no one lived there anymore. It was just Naruto and his past that made this alley so alive. At least it felt so for Sasuke. He wanted to know what Naruto did now.

Itachi picked Sasuke up and they drove in silence. The young boy looked out the window: people hurried back to their homes. Where was their home? Where was Sasuke's?

"Where do you want to go, brother?" Itachi asked him and he startled.

"Somewhere" Sasuke answered and shrugged.

"What did you want to talk with me about?" Itachi asked again, but Sasuke couldn't answer.

"I don't know" he said. "I thought I could fall in love with her"

Itachi nodded and stopped at some parking lot. Probably McDonalds. It didn't matter.

"I thought I could change everything. Is it my fault I love a boy?" he asked but he didn't want Itachi to answer. His brother looked him in the eye but said nothing. "In some time pain will go away, I know it. Love doesn't exist. I know that too. Pain will go away and I will live like I used to before I met Naruto"

"How did you live before you met Naruto?" Itachi asked as he wrapped his scarf around Sasuke's neck.

"I don't know" he answered honestly. "But am I wrong?" he asked. He didn't want Itachi to answer.

"Nothing can go back to what it used to be"

"I know"

"One day you will die, Sasuke"

* * *

Nothing exists in this world but the two of them. It hurts but it feels so good. They know nothing. Sasuke touches Naruto's cheek: it's wet. He touches his own: it's wet. Naruto laughs and it feels so good. Sasuke tightens his hands around his lover.

They know nothing that is why their lips meet, their tongues move. Nothing exists but them and this small room of Naruto's house, but what is a house? They know nothing.

"I love you" he says. Who says? They don't know anymore. And it feels so good, it hurts but they don't feel pain. They don't feel pain yet, and they think they never will. Because this is so right, so natural, because they are together, because they share one heart for the two of them. They know nothing.

They move in synchrony, they love in synchrony, their breathing is synchronized and they know the truth.

They love each other. They will be together forever. That is the truth, or that's the way the two of them want it to be. Anyway.

If love is like chocolate, what do you do when you ate too much of it? If love is like a pencil, what can you do when it's rubbed away?

They know nothing about love. Do they love at all? Or is it some other emotion, egoistic desire mixed with strong friendship? What is love and why are they scared to face it so much?

Why does Naruto want to push Sasuke off even though his touches make him shiver?

Why does Sasuke tighten his hands around Naruto as if the next second his lover will disappear?

Why are they scared of future?

What do you do when love burns to a butt-end of a too short cigarette?

"Love me"

"I love you"

"More"

"Please"

"Don't leave me"

"Don't leave me"

"Don't you ever leave me!"

* * *

The only thing Sasuke could think of was that Naruto should be at home at such a late hour. The car went too slow for Sasuke's liking, although Itachi was already breaking the rules. They hurried to Naruto, Sasuke hurried to Naruto.

He ran up the stairs to his home, knocked on the door, banged on it, shouting for the other to open up.

Naruto opened the door and looked at Sasuke. When Sasuke saw him everything ceased to exist. Nothing existed but the two of them. They kissed and came into the house.

* * *

The next morning is dull and grey. They don't talk. There is nothing to talk about. They hve nothing to say.

Naruto lay on his bed and watches the shadows on the ceiling. Sasuke gets dressed. He looks at his mobile phone: Sakura called him numerous times during that night. He will have to think of a lie later.

He opens the door of Naruto's room and looks back. There is nothing to say, so Naruto only looks at the ceiling.

"I…" Sasuke tries, but as all of his other attempts, this one doesn't work either. He goes to the front door and opens it.

"Sasuke" he turns around to lock gazes with his lover – ex-lover?

"I thought that…" Naruto looks down at his hands. He carries a scarf Sasuke lent him just a week ago. He thrusts it in his boyfriend's – ex-boyfriend's? – face and says: "Thank you".

They daren't say good-buy.

* * *

_To be continued?

* * *

_

Ok, so here's the question: do you want another chapter? What do you think? I still can't decide whether to leave this at that or to continue just for a little longer. And what do you think, should I make a sad ending (like in this chapter where even after the night that they were sure about future they still parted the next day, unable to live together) or maybe a happy ending?

Please review, I would like to know what you think about this)))


	4. 4 Scared

Here is the last chapter and it's dedicated to **majorgirl,** and Mark, whose surname I don't remember, and I hope he won't ever read this. I hope. But anyway, thank you, guys so much, I love the two of you! And, Mark, if you are reading it (god forbid!) there are a couple of phrases I qouted from you)))) You'll know which ones))))

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto *cries hysterically*  
Summary: His betrayal was only the first crack in his and Naruto's relationship. Or was it Sasuke's dreams? Sometimes it just is not meant to be. Will their love win against their fears and insecurities? SasuNaru. sad.  
Warning: Did I say it's sad? Right, good. And when you see the change from Past Simple/other to Present Simple/Continious, don't think it's a mistake. It's intentional.

* * *

**Meant to be**  
Chapter 4  
_**Scared

* * *

**_

"Mom" he called out. She stopped but didn't turn around to look at him. "Mom"

Naruto looked at her. She was searching for alcohol in the cupboards. It wasn't there. He got rid of it two days ago. "Mom" he said again, but she didn't turn around. "Look at me". She didn't.

He was scared. He shouldn't be blamed for that. He procrastinated this moment for long enough, he needed to do this now. Cautiously, ever so slowly, he made a step forward. Then another one. She never turned around. Not even when Naruto dared touch her. Not even when he hugged her, cautiously and hesitantly from the back.

"Sasuke left" he whispered in her shoulder brokenly. "He'll never come back"

His mother never looked at him, she never dared move. She didn't hit him, hurt him, she didn't do anything. But it didn't matter.

Whoever said words can never be truthful was wrong.

"Sasuke's such an idiot" she said. "He's already regretting leaving you"

Naruto didn't know why she wouldn't look at him. He didn't know why she silently cried. He wanted to comfort her, but he didn't know how. It didn't matter.

"How do you know that?" he asked her and she hemmed through tears. "I just know" she answered quietly and hid her face in her hands. Lots of things didn't matter. There was no alcohol in the cupboards but his mother was still crying. Naruto was wrong. He always had a mother.

* * *

"What are you doing here?" Naruto asks him, his books almost falling out of his hands. Sasuke's looking at him, his fingers are digging themselves into the small bag he's clutching tightly. He looks to the side then back into Naruto's eyes, draws in a lungful of air through his nose and finally says: "Happy Birthday, Naruto".

He thrusts the bag into Naruto's hands and looks at the floor. Naruto can feel Sasuke's ragged breathing, it's very loud. He looks at the bag absently but doesn't open it.

"It's not my birthday, Sasuke" he says. "I know" Sasuke answers. "Open it"

Inside the bag there is a little frog, made out of clay. It's not very neatly made, it looks ugly, but it doesn't bother Naruto. He looks up and meets Sasuke's eyes. "What are you doing here, Sasuke?" he asks and his long-gone lover answers: "Happy Birthday, Naruto"

* * *

They haven't spoken for two years, and then suddenly, Itachi called and asked Naruto if he wanted to go somewhere.

"Are you asking me on a date?" he tried to joke, but it came out broken and hoarse.

"If you want it to be" Itachi answered. Naruto gripped the phone hard. "What is it with you two? You want to fuck with my brain just like your brother did? What do you want?!" Naruto said through gritted teeth.

"What if Sasuke wanted to come back to you?" Itachi asked him. Naruto looked out the window. It was snowing. Like the night Sasuke came for the last time.

"That will never happen" he answered. The other sighed. "Answer the question" Naruto gripped the phone harder. "That will never happen" he answered louder, angrier. "Answer the stupid question, winter is not eternal"

Naruto laughed. It sounded like choking, angry, bitter bark. "Of course. Nothing is eternal. If Sasuke wanted to come back to me, I'd say no. Because even love is not eternal. What does it matter if we prolong the inevitable for a little while. It will hurt again, it will be useless"

Itachi chuckled. "What an idiot!" he said. "How old are you? Nineteen? Well, it's time to realize that those fairy tales with eternal happiness are stupid!"

"And why is that?" Naruto bit out angrily. "The problem with the paradise would be that it lasted for too long, Naruto" Itachi said with a smile in his voice and hung up.

* * *

"So... how's Sakura?" he asks the other unable to look in his black eyes. Sasuke plays with his fingers and tries not to show his nervousness.

"She broke up with me a year ago" he says hoarsely. "I'm sorry" Naruto answers. They don't look at each other.

"It doesn't matter" Sasuke says and looks into the blue eyes of his ex-lover. "What doesn't matter?" Naruto asks bitterly. "She doesn't matter" Sasuke answers. "Yes, she does" Naruto says seemingly unfazed by the mention of the girl. "She broke up with you, left you, and so you decided that since you're alone you could come back to me until you find somebody else"

Sasuke's looking at him hesitantly. His hands are trembling ever so slightly on his lap. He stands up and turns around. He walks to the entrance of the university corridor. But he lingers.

"No. It's not like that" he tells Naruto. His words echo through the empty corridor and suddenly the two of them feel awfully alone. "Let's go somewhere" Sasuke offers. His hands are trembling on the door-knob and at his side. Naruto whispers:

"Sure"

* * *

He was in the pub. It didn't matter. Nothing mattered. Sakura broke up with him. It was just a matter of time. He would leave her if she didn't do this first. Didn't really matter which way it would be.

As expected it all crushed. It always did. Everyone always ended up alone in the end. Some married couples told him that love just transformed, but that was rubbish. It went away, it died, leaving just the comfortable friendship with rare sexual intercourses.

They were together for how long? Two years. It didn't matter. He didn't love her anyway. He never ever loved anyone. Love didn't exist. Even the love to Naruto wasn't love. Pain went away. There was nothing in its place. He never loved Naruto.

He wasn't trying to forget anything painful to himself at all by drinking one alcoholic cocktail after another. No, of course not. He just wanted to stop thinking at all for some time.

"Hey, you, idiot, don't you think it's enough for you already?" somebody said from behind him. Sasuke looked up and snorted. "You're the one to talk!" he said angrily.

She only laughed a little and took the glass from his hands. "I'm too old to stop. You have all the chances to do this." He looked at his hands and mumbled: "Doesn't matter".

"What's your problem?" she said looking out to the sides and winking to some man vulgarly.

"I don't have a problem" he answered and ordered another drink. She looked at the black-haired boy and sighed. "You kids are so pathetic and foolish!" she said.

"And that's why you're avoiding your own son, huh? Because he's pathetic and foolish" Sasuke snapped. The woman only downed the drink she took from him.

"I thought you're over him" she said wistfully. Sasuke glared at his cocktail and bit out: "I'm over him"

"Then why are you protecting him?" she asked and smirked. "Scared to love?"

He didn't answer.

"You kids are so stupid, thinking love is something sophisticated, something that will last forever, something that should only be one way" she took Sasuke's cocktail and gulped it down. "Well let me tell you, sweetheart, love is not sophisticated in any way"

"It's just a mix of primitive emotions people mistake for love. There is no love!" he interrupted, but the woman only laughed loudly.

"What is love but not primitive, my dear? Civilized people don't feel love. They feel marriage" she ordered herself a drink and looked at the shocked boy before her that left her son two years ago.

"You think that love is scary" she continued. "But you're wrong" She looked out the window to see the snow-covered ground.

"The scariest thing is to be unable to love" she said before looking at her drink. "When my husband died I tried to let go, to stop the pain. And I did. I washed my insides with alcohol, I forgot the love I had for him. But I stopped loving at all. There is no man that would be able to make me feel love again. Sometimes this apathy is so strong I'm scared to look at my own son, because I'm afraid that if I look into his eyes I'll stop loving him too"

Sasuke came back home late in the evening, dirty and drunk. His nightmares returned to him. When Itachi passed his room that night he heard Sasuke calling out for a person.

* * *

"I like the frog" Naruto says to the other awkwardly, not knowing what else to say. "I made it myself" Sasuke answers.

They are sitting on the bench in the small garden of Naruto's university. Most of the flowers are yet to blossom out, but there are a couple of buds that started to open already. After all it's spring already.

"Thank you" Naruto tells the other and puts the small clay-figure into his bag. "But my birthday was in October"

Sasuke's trembling hand lies on Naruto's and it's so sudden that the boy flinches. The other flinches too and pulls away quickly.

"No" Naruto says. He doesn't know how to explain, he doesn't know what to tell the other.

_I…_

He looks at his ex-lover and meets with black eyes. They are unsure, they want to look away, but they don't, too scared to do anything. Sasuke's hands almost don't tremble.

Hesitantly Naruto puts his hand on Sasuke's.

_I…_

"Can I…?" he trails off, unsure of what he wants to ask, but Sasuke seems to know, and he nods. When Naruto fails to do anything he moves closer to his ex-lover, but loved one nevertheless. He puts his hand on Naruto's cheek and leans closer to the other's face.

_I love you…_

Naruto doesn't know what he's doing, but he's doing it anyway. Sasuke's lips are dry and with the scars from where he bit them with his teeth. His lips are passionate although desperate. Sasuke's hands are tugging him closer to his lover, his own hands clutching the other's shirt.

It's been three long years since they parted.

_I love you!_

Whatever happens – let it be.

Whatever people around them think – it doesn't matter to the two of them.

It will hurt, their love will hurt them, and maybe they will part forever one day. It doesn't matter. What matters is that they will have something to remember, their love to remember.

_Stop being scared of love already, you idiot!

* * *

  
_

_The End

* * *

  
_

I hope you liked this story) Please, review if you did and if it's not too difficult for you to do it))

See you later)))


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